Reflection #18

The little angel and devil that live on my shoulders

In old cartoons, the character was often tempted by little characters, depicted as small versions of the main character, that would sit on his shoulder and whisper into his ear. A little devil would sit on one shoulder tempting the main character to take the evil path, and a little angel would sit on the other shoulder, trying to convince the character to do the right thing.

In my own life, I've realized my mind, of its own volition, does something similar - the “devil”, my past self, sits on one shoulder, and tries to make me feel guilty, he tries to force me to think about regrets, and he attempts to goad me into second guessing myself. Fortunately, for the most part, I do a fairly good job ignoring this past devil.

On my other mental shoulder sits my imagined future self, he pushes me along, he shows me how perfect things will be…once I can live up to his ideal. “Everything will be better when [fill in the blank],” he says.

So, I continually chase my future self, never quite catching him, he's always a just little bit more perfect than I am. He’s a littler richer, and a little more handsome, he never skips a workout, and he has everything organized and in its place. He holds himself out as an “angel,” and he has all his shit together in a way I can only envy.

But he’s actually the more evil of the two. At least the past devil is honest with me. He feels dark, and wrong, and I can clearly see what he’s trying to do. But the future “angel” is a false angel. He’s actually the bigger devil of the two: he promises a land of milk and honey, if only I do the things he says, if only I would be more like, well…him. Yet, he must inwardly cackle as I run after him like a dog chasing a car. He chuckles as he sees me running right by the land of milk and honey that exists right here next to me, in the present, and he slowly attempts to steal my joy by showing me a future promised land that is nothing but illusion.

And so, the only sane path is to ignore them both. When I do so, just like in the old cartoons…..poof! They are gone and the light of the present reality, the user interface to God, pours in.

---