I open my eyes to the colorless early dawn light. The darkness is just beginning to lift. I relish the introspection of this time of day, just before the sun has crested the horizon, and the world lives in varying shades of gray. Once the sun again gazes upon us, the world will explode with color, but, for the moment, I enjoy the cool shadows.
I look over at her.
I can only see the back of her head, the long curve of her neck and her sensuous shoulder. My heart beats faster creating a color explosion of its own that lives inside my soul. My world fills with light, color and beauty. The differing polarities of our two souls draw me to her: I am an anode and I can’t resist the pull of my wondrous cathode. I wrap my arms around her.
The night time darkness, the overnight rain and rejuvenating sleep had conspired to wash away the sins of the past and blessedly, my heart is refreshed at the thought of another day together.
Isn't it amazing how that works? In all human relationships, we hurt each other, we argue, we disappoint, sometimes, even inadvertently, we betray one another. It's astonishing any of us, after finding love, stay together at all. But then, the gray light of a new day again adorns the eastern sky, and those demons don't seem quite so powerful. The angels sing a chorus to our souls, reminding us of the beautiful things we've done together - speaking directly to our hearts, remembering feelings that drew us together in good times past.
As I lay here, with my arms wrapped around her, I silently vow to do better than I've done in the past. But that's not quite right, is it? This day has rebirthed me. The sun and the angels have again baptized me in love. The other 19,241 days I've lived previously, are dead and gone. And I pray those other 19,241 dead Clints made the most of their time in the universe. Christians talk about being “born again” as if it’s something that happens once during their lifetime. But I understand it differently, I haven’t been "born again" just once, for I am born again to every moment.
We die to the past and future, and in this very moment, if we pay attention, we are born again. The grain of wheat must die to bear fruit. So while there have been an infinite number of past Clints, they are no more. I accept their death as a sacrifice so that I may live this fleeting life to the fullest. I came that they may have life, and may have it more abundantly.
This Clint, version 19,241 woke up to a beautiful day, holding his beautiful wife. And this Clint vows to live this day-long life in the light.
With that thought, I pull her closer and am happy.