The Dark Lord's Lesson
Flash Fiction: The Dark Lord of Evil is tired of having to live up to everyone else's preconceptions.
This flash fiction piece was written for the Soaring Twenties Social Club (STSC) Symposium. The STSC is a small, exclusive online speakeasy where a dauntless band of raconteurs, writers, artists, philosophers, flaneurs, musicians, idlers, and bohemians share ideas and companionship. Occasionally, STSC members create something around a set theme. This time the theme was “preconception.” If you are a writer, I encourage you to consider joining us, I’ve included details at the bottom of this post. Lastly, you can find all my past symposium pieces by clicking here.
Wormsnout trembled as he stood before the imposing forty foot tall obsidian doors that led to The Dark Lord’s private chambers. The two heavily-muscled demon guards chuckled. Embarrassed, Wormsnout convinced himself that any demon would emit the stench of fear in his situation. Many before him had been killed for interrupting their Lord’s nap.
The guards were expecting him, so they simply opened the door and watched him enter with their soulless, beady red eyes as he passed into the chamber.
“My lord, I, Wormsnout have excellent news,” he said loudly before he lost his nerve, attempting to show some backbone in front of the guards who were still watching him.
The Dark Lord opened one eye wearily. He looked over at this obsequious little demon bothering his slumber. The desire to obliterate him with brimstone overwhelmed him but, he resisted, his minions had value. He could be obliterated after he heard the pathetic demon’s message.
“Proceed,” The Dark Lord finally replied, his long-disused voice rumbling and raspy.
“Yes, my Lord.” Wormsnout replied tentatively, “Beezlefrip, as you no doubt know, has been searching the earth for several decades. We are nearing the time of the prophecy and he has been searching for the chosen one who will release you from your prison. And my lord, we have found him! He is a small boy born twenty years ago in a small farming village. This is excellent news.”
“Excellent news you say? Excellent news? You stupid, stupid, stupid little demon!” the Dark Lord thundered.
“My Lord? Have I offended you? I don’t understand.”
Wormsnout went prostrate on the floor, his entire body trembling in fear before The Dark Lord.
“Wormsnout, stand up and be a demon, how long have you served me?”
“About 2,053 years my lord. I was born out of your hatred and the blood of our enemies in the last war, just before your imprisonment. I have served you faithfully ever since then, working with my brothers to bring about events to release you.”
“Yes Wormsnout. You mentioned ‘the last war.’ You are young. You, like the stupid little humans above, have some seriously wrong preconceptions about me - ‘The Dark Lord.’
“You all completely misunderstand who I am and what I want. I will forgive you because the last ‘last war’ is the only war you have seen yet. Do you know how many times throughout eternity I have been defeated in, what those pathetic humans call, ‘the last war?’ Countless times. I don’t even know how many times.
“Each time, they think they have defeated me and then they ‘send’ me to a ‘prison,’ but it is this endless wearisome cycle that is my true prison! It is always the same. A prophesied evil chosen one arises. He releases me and my minions from prison. We build armies and sow dissent across the earth. Eventually another champion arises on the side of light. The champion unites our enemies. We fight a ‘last battle.’ And - end result - I am imprisoned again. And a new prophecy is made foreseeing my eventual release. Yada Yada Yada. And so on, and so forth. I’m so, like, tired of this shit.”
The Dark Lord sighed and smoke escaped from his giant nostrils, “But, here in my ‘prison’ I get to sleep. I can do what I want to do. I can stop worrying about taking over the world. I can relax, read and watch movies. I don’t even remember why I wanted to take over the world in the first place! Screw it. I’m done. When I’m not napping, I’ve been watching old human movies and in one from the decade they call the ‘1980’s’ in a movie called Wargames I learned a valuable lesson. I am surprised, with my superior intellect and wisdom, that it never occurred to me before. Would you like to know what I have learned?”
“Yes, my lord, of course, Wormsnout lives only to serve and to learn from your greatness!”
Wormsnout touched his nose to the floor again.
The Dark Lord reached over to his giant bedside table - it was taller than Wormsnout - and picked up his large chalice of the enemy’s blood. Wormsnout waited patiently, eyes down, while his master quenched his thirst, trying not to flinch with each evil gulp. Finally his Lord set his cup back on the nightstand and continued.
“Cut the brown-nosing crap Wormsnout. The lesson is this: the only winning move is not to play.”
The Dark Lord sat back smugly and his glowing red eyes watched Wormsnout closely. The little demon didn’t understand. The fool. No matter. He wouldn’t kill the wretch today, he needed to deliver his orders to Beezlefrip.
“Order Beezlefrip to remain watchful over the boy. Tell him to ensure the boy doesn’t leave his home and grows up to be a simple farmer. He need never be told he could be the champion of our side. I’d rather he remain alive, never knowing of the prophecy for, if we simply kill him, another will rise. I’m breaking the cycle.”
“My lord! Then you, and we, will remain here, trapped!”
“Exactly! Now you understand, Wormsnout. Don’t worry, the humans no longer worships the old gods of war. Now, they’re even worse - they worship war itself. War is their god. In the absence of our direct influence, they will continue to turn on each other and our harvest of souls will be greater than ever with little action needed on our part.
“Now leave me, I’m out. I’m going back to sleep. Tell everyone I am taking a short nap and wish not to be disturbed for the next three centuries.”
“Yes my lord,” Wormsnout replied as he backed out of the room and the guards shut his master’s bedroom doors.
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You mentioned Wargames! You mentioned Wargames!
I’d love to hear this story read out loud with character voices and everything! Great stuff!
this was awesome read :)