For What Else Can I Do?

Reflection #64: When discouraged, keep writing

When I read the work of a gifted writer, I am inspired. And discouraged. At the same time.  I stumble across a talented author or a particular piece of writing and I realize just how far I still have in my journey if I wish to actually write something good.  It's almost enough to make one give up.  Almost.  

However, a force exists within that counterbalances  the discouraging feelings – the feelings that make me want to just throw my hands into the air, get up from the keyboard, walk over to the liquor cabinet* at 2:03 in the afternoon, pour myself a strong drink, and  spend the rest of the day nursing my ego.  Counterbalancing all of that is the promethean soul-fire that burns deep inside – the white hot fire that rekindles itself daily that I just can't let go of despite it burning my heart.  

This flame burns deep down in the bowels of our earthen bodies like magma bubbling and boiling in the earth’s core deep under a volcano and I don't think any of us can let go of such searing pressure except in an eruption of creation. Once one uncovers his true name, his creative truth which is, for me, simply one who creates.  I simply must create (mostly via writing), and it's not so easy to put that burning torch down.  Impossible actually.  

So when I read something that discourages me because it shines the light of truth upon how bad I am, in comparison, what's the first thing I do?  I sit down and write about it!  

If I stopped writing, I'd have to find some other creative outlet, I suppose, but writing is just something I do.  Something I am.  I may not be good at it.  But I will do it.  For what else is there for me to do really?  Except to live and think.  Except to reflect and then to put those reflections into some form to remember them.  

I share them, not because I think they will change anything in the outside world.  I share them simply because it is a basic human drive to share with others.  But mostly I write them and share them with myself. 

 For what else can I do? 

“Few people can be as tortured by writing as I am.” —Virginia Woolf

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Footnotes:

* or, in my case, a red wine – I admit that I said ‘liquor cabinet’ and ‘strong drink’ because I was trying to make the ‘writing’ more interesting, proving the point that I can't stop “writing” even if I'm discussing giving up.