Reflection #7

The Fuse

We are all sticks of dynamite with a long fuse that has already been lit. It’s lit, it’s sparking, it’s been thrown over the barrier between non-existence and existence, and Yosemite Sam and Bugs Bunny have run away and are holding their ears waiting for the boom.

I’m still thinking about the duality of man, and the tendency I have, perhaps a tendency we all have, to want what we don't have. It dawns upon me that our psycho-logical issues in life, such as the duality problem, stem from the incessant burning of that blasted fuse.

The fear of death. We are mortals who have been blessed and cursed with minds that can encompass immortal universality. So we feel an underlying tension whenever we make a choice, any choice, that perhaps we made the wrong choice, perhaps we should have made a different choice, perhaps we could have made a better choice. That fuse is running out and the the stick of dynamite is going to explode, so we want to make better choices because we just don’t have time to fix all our mistakes.

Why do we think such insane things?

If we actually were immortal, duality wouldn't be an issue - why wouldn't you enjoy every moment if you lived forever? There would be no urgency, no rush, no fear that you made the wrong choice. Oops, made a wrong choice? No problem, just make the other choice now. If you could live forever, you could optimize every decision you ever made just by trying both options. It might not be efficient, but it would be possible, at least in many situations.

But due to the ever-shortening fuse, you must make the right choice before the fuse runs out and the dynamite stick of your life explodes into nothingness. So that’s what we do. We make a choice and then agonize over if it was "right" or "wrong." We wonder about the path not taken. And in doing so, we often ruin both choices.

The irony is that the problem usually isn't right or wrong choices. It's that we don't embrace death. We hide from our mortality instead of embracing it. We don't recognize that “right” or “wrong” is often a state of our own mind.

If only I could make a choice and then commit to it fully. If I spend my time agonizing over the rejected path, I won't enjoy the choice I made and it will become the wrong choice. But if I could only accept that my time is short, and, perhaps, learn to fully embrace each choice and each moment. Then perhaps, I could dwell in the eternal now and let go, perhaps, of that agonizing feeling of "what if?”