Reflection #9

I write

I'm Clint and I write.

We are all little gods, or, at least, we want to be.  

I've realized, absurdly late in life, that I'm a writer.  I’ve always been one, I just never thought about it, I guess, because I’m not a published writer.  But, nevertheless, I’ve always written.  It’s what I do.

What does that have to do with being a little god?  It is said that we are created in God's image, and I have always understood that to refer, not to a physical description, for god may have no form, but to acknowledge the fact that “god” (Tao,Yahweh,Alla,El,whatever) is The Creator, and we are all, when we are at our best, creators who imitate God by becoming little gods ourselves.  And writing is inherently an act of creation.

Everyone yearns to create something, and, if one does not create, he will feel an empty hole.  I certainly feel that yawning cavern keenly, and it is filled only when I allow myself to fall into it.  Our purpose, my purpose, is to create.  And thus I write.  I play music on my guitar.  I create software products. I’ve created companies. I've even dabbled in visual art.  It's slightly ironic that I make my living building products for visual artists, given that, other than dabbling with painting when younger, I'm not a visual artist.  

Or perhaps, upon reflection, it's actually not ironic, but something I’ve done unconsciously by design.  For every artist knows that creating for the market is not the same as Creating for your soul.  One is creation with a little “c”, and the other is Creation, in God's image.  Nonetheless, we don't live in Eden, and thus we must be in the world but not of the world.  And if we create, we must be in the market, even if, deep down, we're not of the market.  So I create products and information in the market around my love for visual art, but when I'm ready to pour out my soul into something…I write.  I see. I create. I see. I write.  I hear. I play.  This is the artists’ path of creation and it is the only formula one needs for fulfillment.  

I’ve experienced this epiphany and realized that I've always been a writer, I just didn't quite know it. It seems we follow our obsessions even if we aren’t conscious of them.  I write words, or I write computer code.  I consider both acts of true creation where I take my soulfire and pour it out onto the page or screen (or strings) to birth something new into the universe.  I know that I’m pouring my soul into these creations because I feel both exhilarated and utterly exhausted after true creation.  Kurt Vonnegut said, "The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow."  Well said.  And that puts us true creators in the position of being little gods.  What is a computer program, but a universe of sorts, defined by the rules of its creator?  What is a great book - one that sucks the consciousness of readers into its story - but a world where the author is god?  

We are gods.  Some may consider that blasphemy, but it's not.   For The Creator is the one who endowed us with this unquenchable drive to create little worlds.  If he didn't want us to act like little gods, then he wouldn't have endowed us such drive.  

Upon reflecting further, it's deeper than being a mere copy of the Creator.  Have you ever lost yourself in the act of creation?  Let’s look at those words:  "lost yourself."  That's an interesting phrase, isn't it?  But there’s no other way to describe what happens.   You start writing, and suddenly, three hours have passed.   I've coded before for nearly 24 hours almost nonstop.  I have “lost myself” into the act of birthing a new universe.  And by losing myself, I find God standing in my place.

When we lose ourselves, we are no longer images of The Creator, we become little pieces of the Tao.  And our creations don't stand purely alone.  They do not exist completely independent of reality.  While they may represent little universes of their own, our creations also exist in the real, larger universe.  Our efforts represent works of creation that are also part of the larger, ongoing act of The Creation. And thus, we are all little pieces of God, continuing his creative work.  

So, I repeat, proudly, I'm Clint, and I write.