The Christmas Shaman

Flash Fiction: A spiritual journey through the nativity within

Christmas Eve, 2024

I sat alone in the chilly desert darkness watching the crackling and popping fire dance with anticipation.

“What am I doing here?,” I wondered for the hundredth time. I’d been waiting for hours.

At least, I thought it had been hours. During the jeep ride out here, the guide had said (right after he confiscated my phone and watch) to expect The Shaman near midnight.

I sighed, looked up, and felt the ponderous weight of the looming, moonless, star-filled sky.

Suddenly, the fire roared to life, colored sparks flew, and drums started beating a tribal cadence!

The Shaman appeared and gyrated around the fire in a rhythmic, writhing dance.

After a minute or two, he stopped in front of me and leaned in close until his face was only inches from mine.

Coal-black eyes, set deeply into a fierce red, green and black painted face, invaded my soul.

“Um…I’m surprised you agreed to do the ceremony on Christmas Eve,” I ventured.

He didn’t react and, if anything, he stared even more deeply into my eyes. I squirmed. Then gulped. I shouldn’t have spoken.

After a withering eternity, he broke the silence and whispered, “Christ is born every day.”

The unseen drums boomed again and The Shaman resumed his writhing dance, occasionally throwing powder into the fire, engorging the flames into raging sorcerous rainbows.

Finally, the drums died down and the fire settled into a comfortable, flickering simmer. He walked over and, without ceremony, handed me a wooden cup.

“Drink.”

“What is it?”

“No questions. Drink!”

I shrugged and choked down the thick bitter brown liquid, gagging only for a moment before swallowing all of it.

“Now what?” I asked, grimacing from the aftertaste.

“Now I leave. And you, if you can, will find your way home.”

* * *

I resumed my silent vigil, staring into the fire, waiting.

After what seemed a long time, I began to feel dizzy.

Again, the fire roared to life, and I briefly wondered if The Shaman had returned.

But I didn’t see him and the fire continued to grow. It rose up into a tall pillar of flame reaching high into the sky.

“The drug must be working,” I thought, just before I was lifted off the ground by an invisible force.

High in the air, I looked down and saw the dark earth was rising up toward me in a column of darkness while the pillar of fire arched above me and then hurtled down from above in a column of light.

Trapped between the light and the dark columns hurtling toward me from opposite directions, I tried to curl myself into a ball to protect myself, but I couldn’t move.

The light slammed into the top of my head, while the darkness slammed into my feet and I felt the two energies trying to come together inside my body; the searing golden light of the fire burning down from the crown of my head and the solid, raw, red chaotic power of the earth rising up from my feet. When the red light of the earth reached my pelvis, the world as I knew it melted away.

* * *

I found myself floating in a sea of orange light. Before me, a beautiful woman appeared, dressed in white, her head covered with a blue veil.

A divine light shone from her face and the most intense desire I’ve ever felt filled me. I wanted her. I had to have her.

“Would you rather have me or help me birth something greater?” she pleaded.

Her plea touched my heart and, despite the desire, with effort, I made myself answer, “I will help you.”

She smiled and said, “Thank you. I will give rise to Immanuel.”

She disappeared.

* * *

Then I felt the raw earthen power rise from my pelvis to my gut and the world turned yellow.

I sat above the world, floating on my Herodian throne with a crown upon my head.

I overlooked all that I had built with my own two hands: my business, those I loved, my dreams.

At first, everything felt ecstatic, and I was proud of myself. But the raw energy kept flowing in, it grew uncomfortable, then painful, and finally, I was writhing from excruciating pain in my stomach.

“Stop!” I yelled.

The Shaman’s face appeared and said, “There is no stopping.”

In the East, a bright violet star appeared. Its rays shone upon me and I was filled with a desire to turn away from it and use everything I had built to turn off that light. To kill it. I sensed that it wanted all that I had worked so hard to build.

I heard a voice ring out in my mind, “light has come into the world, but men loved darkness.”

I cried out as my fears and worries began to flow out of me.

My financial worries floated out of my gut and turned into a cow.

My relationship worries floated out of my stomach and turned into a sheep.

This painful process continued until I was surrounded by a menagerie of animals.

Then a shepherd appeared before me. He held a little lamb on his shoulders and said, “It seems you must watch over your animals more carefully so they don’t run wild across The Kingdom.”

But I couldn’t answer. I was now wracked by waves of excruciating pain, until eventually, it became so intense that I screamed…

“KILL ME!”

“Finally,” said The Shaman.

I let go and fell off my floating throne. The crown fell from my head and I plummeted downward for an eternity until I splashed into an ocean. Cool relief. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to sink until everything went dark.

I died.

* * *

My body gasped and its eyes opened.

The Shaman laughed and said, “You were born of the earth and have been baptized with water, but you must still face baptism by fire.”

My gut finally felt peaceful and all the pain I had previously experienced floated out of me in a stream of resin and into a jar where it was collected.

I looked into the jar and saw that it was filled with Myrrh.

* * *

An unseen power suddenly pulled me through space and time and I rushed toward the light in the East. It no longer frightened me; for I had already died.

As I approached, the light became brighter and more intense. I saw now that the light shone from the top of a pine tree – a tree whose branches reached down into every part of my body, turning my entire world green.

My heart filled with love; so much love that the energy burst out of my sternum and filled a treasure chest.

“For where your treasure is, there your heart is also,” I thought.

I looked into the chest and saw that it was filled with Gold.

* * *

As I rushed ever closer to the light, everything turned deep blue, and my throat filled with the primal energy. All of my thoughts, words, and deeds burst forth from my throat as a thick liquid and filled a bottle.

I looked into the bottle and saw that it was filled with Frankincense.

* * *

I now saw only the violet Star of Bethlehem. I floated toward it bearing my three gifts.

The primal energy of the earth carried me into the violet light while the golden ordered energy of the fire above pushed the violet light into me.

I offered the Light all I had – my three gifts: the Gold of my Love, the Frankincense of my Service, and the Myrrh of my Death, my sacrifice, my life itself.

And then all merged into one.

The Epiphany.

“I AM,” we felt.

The Shaman appeared before me, radiant, with huge wings spread out behind him, and said, “Unto you is born this day a Savior.”

Everything became the light of Bethlehem. The Christ filled all Consciousness. The Light filled our body with the purifying fire of joy, bliss and love.

The peaceful Harp of Silence rang out its primordial chord — AUM, Amen — and its silent song built to an excruciatingly beautiful and blissful crescendo beyond understanding.

My dead body came to life.

Love and light were in me and I in them.

The logos and eros had merged and birthed a new being, us.

We had found The Way, The Truth and The Life.

Having been (re)born, the exposure of my fear and the fragility of my pride were silent. Instead, we now lay swaddling in Love, protected by our manger of humility; the menagerie of animals, my worldly worries, lay around the manger, calm at last.

The Sovereign had arrived.

I had found my way home.

* * *

I sat up, gasping, soaked in sweat, and looked around.

Bitter cold had invaded the desert darkness, yet red light was gathering itself in the east, promising dawn and warmth, and I had never gazed upon a more beautiful sight.

A breeze played with my hair and I faintly perceived the divine Harp’s primordial chord resonating inside the sound of the rushing wind.

I shivered.

The fire had dwindled to nothing but ashes. Exhausted. As was I.

Across from me, The Shaman sat, poking the ashes idly with his staff.

He looked at me and smiled, “You had a silent, holy night, I see.”

I simply nodded.

“Merry Christmas,” he said, “You have been born. Again.”

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