16 Comments

I really enjoyed this, Clint!

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Well done, Clint! Can't believe this is your first attempt at fiction, it's really well done. Great story and excellent and poignantly hilarious ending! I suck at "story making" so really appreciate how well you weave a story for your first time. And effective emotion too.

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Thanks! I think I just got lucky, lol.

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Excellent work. I loved it and hated it at the same time.

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Haha. Me too

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O. Kay O. Henry.

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VERY well done!!

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Damn, Clint, reading it again, it's good.

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Thanks!

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First, Take the short out of story.

Proved a point though....we all spend too much time on our phones.

I would be happy to debate with anyone who says otherwise. 🙂

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I thought short stories were generally about 5,000 - 10,000 words. This one is about 2,200 but I might misunderstand the use of the phrase "Short Story." This is definitely longer than "Flash fiction" which I think is less than 500 words. Yes, we spend too much time on our phones, and, I'm not sure I acheived my point but I was trying to comment on the tragedy of being so addicted to social media that one misses the things and people in his/her real life.

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I hear ya and my view of story, short or long, to me differs between reading a book and reading social media. Nothing is long in SM. We are a generation that lives under 15 second segments.(Some live under 5(pity the souls)) However I see you defeating your objective in 2 ways

Your reading was way more than 15 secs

And your point was about too much time on SM

Regardless of the story or the content you probably lost most of your audience halfway through and used the very process (the phone, social media, and hangtime)to preach what you were against or making a point about.

Not faulting you but to me your reply seems a tad hypocritical.

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I'm not sure what part was hypocritical. But we (writers) don't consider Substack to be Social Media. Anyone that I lost after 15 seconds is caught in the same trap as the main character of the story. We (meaning other writers who feel the same) are attempting to leave the social media world of "snackable content" and create real art and are rejecting the need to follow any social media rules. If that loses people who's attention span can't last longer than 15 seconds, so be it, I can live with that. I'm not building an audience here, not providing "content" and not trying to "monetize" anything. I'm creating simply because I want to, and if someone enjoys it, great. If they don't, that's fine too. It's freeing to create for no other reason than to create.

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Nov 11, 2022Liked by Clintavo

Constructive criticism is always welcome in my world. Offending anyone is not. I know my opinions usually go beyond the normal purpose of the piece which borderlines on complaint. I apologize if done but my mind tends to think outside the normal box.

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Great ending! The whole story was depressingly realistic. Not quite the same, but last week someone tweeted "My son just died". I thought it was strange that at a time like that, someone would be thinking about Twitter. There's also a great discussion to be had about legacy. Enjoyed the story very much, though not sure "enjoyed" is quite the word I'm looking for!

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OMG! OMG, OMG...I have to say I felt sick and in total amazement as I was reading this. I’m sure there are those out there who would love to do this as their final goodbye.

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